Excited

         It is amazing to me how clearly I can see God moving in my life in the midst of this storm.  I began a bible study at church this week with Jamie.  We are completing the Beth Moore study on David.  As soon as the church announced the study, I knew it was meant for me to attend.  I began looking foward to the study.  "Life" has always prevented Jamie and I from completing the other Beth Moore studies we started.  This is going to be the one we finished.  I know it is in God's plans for Jamie and I to be completing this study and this time in our lives.
        In studying, I see how God is using this to prepare mine and Jamie's heart for our ministry.  God lifted His hand and allowed Satan to move in our lives when He did and how He did because He knew it would NOT tear us from Him.  As a youth, I remember hearing the story of Job.  I thought, how, after everything that God has allowed to happen can he still love and praise God.  I tell you from personal experience of having your world ripped from beneath you, it was easier than I thought. (Please understand that I by no means am saying I have been a happy, cheerful person through my storms.)
        In Beth's study, she asks the question, are you allowing God to live smack in the middle of your life?  She then state's that she bets if you are, you have crossed a few Red Seas, tumbled down a few walls, and escaped a few lions.  The point she is trying to get across is that we serve a LIVING God.  He is alive, active, and He wants to make us living proof.  There are no words that can explain the feeling that goes through me when I read those words.  God wants to make me living proof.  This is why He allowed my rape. 
        When we trust and believe in God, when know that He can take what Satan means for bad and use it for good.  My life and what I had planned disappeared that night in July.  It has taken two years for me to understand that it was never my life to begin with.  When I set out my goals, I never once asked God if it was his timing for me to start a family right after college.  His plan has been, from before I was concieved in my mother's womb, for me to minster to women who have suffered like I have and walked where I have walked.
        Never, when I was growing up would I have thought God would lead me to where I am.  I hated having to speak in front of people, much less carry on a converstion with someone I did not know.  In full discloser, I was the child that cried at my sixth grade open house because it was a new school full of people I did not know.  Now, I am hearing God tell me that Jamie and I are meant for so much more.  We are to share what we have been through; the good, the bad, and the ugliness of it all.  I know this means that I will have to talk to women I do not know, sometimes even to groups of women I do not know.  However, I have no doubt that God will give me the strength and the words to speak to these unknown women. 
        I close tonight simply with this verse for thought.
     In our greatest weakness, He is strong.
              2 Cor. 2:14

Welcome 2011

Well here it is, 2011.  I have wondered what this year will

bring for my family. Will we finally get a year of peace and

restoration?  This weekend, I worked in 

the front room of our house.  At the time we were

cleaning it out, I thought of it as my room in waiting. 

We did not know if it was going to get to be my husbands 

office or if it was going to become my

sister-in-law and brother-in-law's room. 

amazed me how much I could relate to that room. 

This year is a waiting year for me.  I am waiting to see

what God has in store.  I am trying to be at peace in 

this wait. I feel like the past I have been just

trying to keep my head above the pounding waves of the

storm.  I saw a sign today that talked about learning to 

dance in the rain of life's storms.  I wonder how one does that.

How do you dance when your world is caving in?  It took every

ounce of my strength just to make it through the day. But, 

this year is different.  I feel that I have reached a new 

phase.  Coming full circle back to my room in waiting, I am 

a woman in waiting.  Waiting to find out, will I get pregnant? 

Will I have to go into early menopause?  What do the months 

ahead hold for my walk with the Lord?  When will I be able

to start my women's ministry with Jamie? Mostly, I wonder

will my wait be long or short?  My room was only a room

in waiting for a short time.  It is now my husband's office.

How long will my wait be?  Only God knows and I will find

peace in knowing that everything is going according to

His plan. 

I found a song on one of my old CD's that really sums up

how I feel about my past and what my future holds.  It is my

theme song for 2011.  I have listed the lyrics below.   

Sunrise by Nichole Nordeman 

If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story 

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill
And find that . . .  

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight? 

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise 

There's a moment when
Faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain God is gone 

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us 

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight? 

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise 

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine 

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight? 

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise  

You are sunrise