Where to begin.....

               Wow.  It does not seem like it has been over a year since I last posted.  In just a year, I have been through so much.  When we last talked, I was heartbroken over the loss of my baby.  A few months after losing her, I found out I was once again pregnant.  It was probably the best news I had ever received on Thanksgiving.  However, I lost my precious daughter on December 23, 2011.  One day, I will get to meet my three beautiful children in heaven.   Until then, I have to find comfort in knowing they will never experience the pains of this world. 
                  I have experienced a lot of pain in my life: losing three babies, being raped, going through the week long trial, and finding out I did not really know the person I was married to.  I think finding out I didn't know who I was married to hurt more than the rape ever did.  This was the person that I stood before God and promised to love for better or for worse.  Worse came very quickly at the beginning of this year.  December and January were very busy months.  I lost my baby, moved into a new house, quit my job, and found out my husband had been having multiple affairs since the rape.  Needless to say, I very quickly sought help through counseling.  That is a lot even for me to handle in such a short amount of time.  I am grateful to a wonderful church who led me to a wonderful christian counselor.  I had a hard time giving up my marriage because I firmly believe marriage vows.  However, I now fully understand why God gives a spouse the biblical right to leave when the other spouse commits adultery. 
                    If anyone had asked me when I filed for divorce if I ever thought I would be where I am now in life, I would have laughed at them.  But thank goodness God's ways are ALWAYS better than our ways!!!  I am happier than I have ever been.  Mind you, this happiness came from total surrender to God.  I finally had to throw my hands up and say God NOTHING in my life has gone according to how I planned it so I will gladly trust that Your ways are better than  mine.  This was NOT easy.  The thought of surrendering to a life that may include being single for the rest of my life..... not so easy.  However, the new list I had for what I wanted in a man was near impossible to meet so I was convinced I was meant to be single forever. 
                      Little did I know that God had very different plans for my life.  I went to lunch with a dear friend I had not seem in a long time.  She invited me to her church the following Wednesday night.  I agreed to go not knowing I would meet the most amazing man I have ever known.  We walked into the youth building first.  It was in this building that I met Kevin.  I will never forget how he looked the first time I saw him.  He had come to church straight from work.  He was sitting on a couch with a smile on his face.  After seeing him a few more times at church, he messaged me on Facebook and asked if I was interested in going out to dinner sometime.  Well, that was several months ago and we are still sharing several dinners together.  In fact, I am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving this year with his family. 
                  My life has changed so much since last October.  I have experienced immense pain in the past year, however, I have experience immense joy.  I have been blessed with a boyfriend that has a true walk with the Lord.  I have a wonderful home where I feel safe and friends that love me.  I chose to look forward to what my life and future holds.  I will continue to trust that no matter what this future holds, God is in control and His ways are better than anything I could ever imagine.  I am holding out hope for a future like God gave Job in the bible--  Job 42:12 The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the former part.